Once You Get Married or Seriously Commit Are Ex’s Free Game or Still Off Limits to Friends?

This topic over the last week has seem to dominate my life. Mostly because it is happening to my lil sis and she calls me for everything.  As I told you in this post my sister starting dating this one guy which come to find out happened to hook up with her BFF about 7 years ago. My sister when beginning to talk to this guy had no idea. They were not friends back then. And did not find out until she started telling her about him.

Well anyway my sisters so-called BFF is freaking out about this. But let me just back up a bit. This so-called BFF has been (and still is) married for the last  5 years and has 3 kids. 2 of them with special needs. So in my opinion she has a lot on her plate to be worrying about some dude that she "hooked up" with 7 years ago. OK let me get back to the freaking out. She has called my sister a "backstabber" and has said it is an "unwritten rule that girlfriends do not do this to each". "You just don't date someone your friend dated". And these are the actual quotes as the entire confrontation was done via text message. Nice huh? But that is a whole other post.

This is what I think...

First of all I do not consider an ex someone you "hooked up" with or had a "friends with benefits" relationship with. I work at a college and let me tell you these students are hooking up left and right. At some point dudes are going to be recycled. And if every person they hooked up with was "off limits" at then no one would be able to date anyone.

I also don't consider an ex someone you really liked or had feelings for and the feeling was not reciprocated by the guy.

I consider an ex someone you dated for a long consecutive period and you would BOTH agree that at one point in time you were boyfriend and girlfriend.

With that said I don't think a friend should seek out an ex however if a relationship naturally and innocently blossoms between an ex and a friend then so be it. I mean there is a reason why it did not work out with you and the guy in the first place right?

And once you get serious with another, engaged, and especially when you get married in my opinion all ex's are free game to anyone including friends. When you get married dudes of the past should be just that...in the past. And if you find yourself getting jealous or mad then guess what that is your issue not your friends. I understand that it could be awkward or uncomfortable to hang out with someone you had sex with but really I just say get over it.  I mean who the heck is a virgin in today's world when they get married. Barely anyone. And if you are then great. But more than likely you are not.And more than likely you are not hubby's first and hubby is not your first. But hopefully you are each others last and that is really all that matters.

When you are truly secure in your relationship you can be in a room filled with each others ex's and not even bat an eye. I mean who cares. All of your ex's or ex's for a reason. It wasn't meant to be. Sometimes we have to kiss one frog to get our prince but sometimes we have to kiss a bunch a frogs. So once we have our prince I say let someone else try to make one of those frogs her prince.

But if you find yourself having issues with someone dating one of your ex's then before you start freaking out and blaming the wrong person take a look in the mirror. Ask yourself these questions:

• What is really bothering me about this situation? Be truthful you won't tell anyone.
• Are you unhappy in your marriage and/or relationship.
• Are you stressed out in life and just need to focus on something else?
• Do you just like the drama?

I believe in order to be the best person, wife, and mother you can be you have to be real with yourself and see yourself for who you truly are. Sometimes you will like what you see and there are going to be times you don't but that's OK. As long as we are able to recognize when we need to make changes as well as recognizing when we are doing the right thing.

Now there are some situations where I think it is justified to be upset if a friend dates an ex:

• The ex was abusive to you.
• You have kids with the ex
• Maybe you cheated on your ex with you hubby.

But honestly if your friend is a true friend and is aware of the above I highly doubt she would still seek out a relationship with the person. But if she does then obviously she is not a friend and begging for drama so I say ditch her just like you ditch the ex.

So these are my thoughts on the issue. I am really big for seeing things as they are and not dwelling on things that I can not change. I also am not big on living in the past or filling my life with unnecessary drama. I know it is hard but to move forward in life you have to be able to let the past go. Of course you will not forget the past but don't let it paralyze you from succeeding in the future.

What do you think? Do think an ex is free game or is he still off limits once you get married? What do you think it says if a person who is married is getting upset about their ex dating someone else?