Last week I talked about keeping sex a high priority on the "Honey-do" list. If you missed it then you can check it out here. Well today I am going to talk about how you can do just that. Of course I am by no means a sex expert although my hubby may disagree...haha..but it is a topic of interest for me.
And the reason why I think it is so important to talk about is BECAUSE MOMS WANT AND NEED SEX AND INTIMACY TOO! But for some reason it is hardly ever talked about. But it should be because being intimate and sexual is such a basic human function and need. And when that starts to go off balance in our lives we start to see everything else fall apart. So no matter how organized our pantry is, how yummy our meal planning is, how perfectly dressed and well behaved our children are, if we do not have a healthy sexual intimate relationship with our hubbies then I can guarantee there will be problems at some point. So we may need to spend more time on the sex planning and instead of the meal planning.
With that said...
I think it is really important to make time for intimacy with your spouse. I know in the craziness of life sex is often the last thing you want to think about at the end of the day...believe me I know...but nonetheless it can make all the difference in your relationship if you make it a priority.
For example when I make sex and intimacy a priority there a certain things I notice:
- My hubby and I feel less stressed. Even though the world around has not changed for some reason it is just easier to deal with.
- My hubby and I are just all around closer. We hug, kiss, and snuggle more.
- My hubby and I are happier. Hubby a little bit more than me. I swear he just floats around the house after.
I am sure there is more but these are the three that really stick out.
One piece of advice my hubby's parents gave us when we had kids is that the best gift you can ever give your children is a happy healthy relationship between the two of us. That always stuck with me.
However, as we all know sex and intimacy is not easy once kids enter the picture. It takes work and a conscious effort. So in my opinion the only way to make sex and intimacy a priority in a marriage with children is to have scheduled sex. If you do not schedule sex more than likely you will not have sex as often as you want. Once you have kids the days of spontaneous sex are over. Maybe if your lucky once in awhile. But if you want to have sex with your spouse then get your calendars out.
I am sure all the moms who are a bit seasoned (kids over 2 years) know exactly what I am talking about. But some of the newbies may still be in the state of sex shock. And hearing about scheduled sex may sound so unromantic and completely boring.
But on the contrary my sexy mama's scheduled sex can be quite fun. These are my reasons:
- Gives you and your hubby something to look forward to. You actually find yourself excited!
- You make little comments to each other throughout the day leading up to it.
- If all goes as planned you are actually going to have sex with your hubby. How cool is that?
- And be creative. Just because it is scheduled does not mean it has to be boring missionary style. Spice it up girls!
So just because you are a wife and mother does not mean you are not a woman. Women have the need for sex and intimacy just as much as a man. So good news there is sex after kids you just need to plan it out and get creative. Enjoy!
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I totally agree with you!! The hubs and I were on somehwhat of a sex hiatus for a while, and then as soon as we started making time for it again, I couldn’t believe how much our relationship improved. It’s like I’m not as annoyed with him anymore and I don’t blow up at him for stupid things because that wall is down and we have that intimacy back. Hmmm…maybe I’ll bust out my old lingerie that I put away in the basement for Valentines day. Hee hee hee!
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Just found your blog via another site and, ummm WOW! I have trouble finding other working moms who blog and dare to talk about such things! I would normally just lurk around for awhile but I will be brave because this is a subject DEAR to my heart. Yes, I need intimacy (the snuggles are great, but let’s be honest…it’s more than that). Yes, I need to connect. But I have found that if Hubby and I go too long without sex…like a week…BAAAAAD things happen. Suddenly I can’t stand his little quirks that I normally adore and he is driving me NUTS! It’s almost like sex is the best prescription for marital tension for us. I know…a bit weird, right? But I think, for us anyway, it goes back to something so very fundamental. When we are intimate, we are still those 19 year old kids crazy about each other. It feels the same, the fire is still there. All that….No matter the stretch marks and the receding hairline and the tot who wore us out today. Hubby is still my hot college boyfriend when we are together that way. It’s pretty damn great. Great post. Looking forward to reading more!
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Thanks so much for your comment! it is awesome and I can totally relate. I feel it is so important to talk about all of this because lets be honest we are all thinking it. Thanks for stopping by!
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Yes! You are so right on, and not afraid to say it, which I love.
Great blog, I’m a follower!
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Sex is just as important as eating, changing the diapers, getting the bills paid on time…so why do so many wait until there is “time” for it?
We have Hollywood to thank for the idea that sex has to be spontaneous…and that it’s supposed to be explosive and mind-blowing every time. That “idea” has ruined what otherwise is perfectly good sex.
I guess the idea of scheduling sex puts it at the same level as scheduling a dentist appointment?
Well, rubbish! In a marriage, if you want it, you have to schedule it. Second is to grab it when you can. The other day I was getting ready for an appointment and was running fifteen minutes ahead, so I told my husband, “You’ve got fifteen minutes to do what you want with me.” Was it the greatest sex ever? No, but it was still a lot of fun and kept us happy the rest of the day.
Good for you for bringing this topic up!
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Yes I agree grab it while you can! Sometimes you just need a quicky to make it through to the next scheduled visit…haha
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Wow! It’s like I was meant to find your site. I think you made me realize why i had the strange dream last night. Hubby and I have been on hiatus for a while. Not anymore!! I’m going to attack him as soon as he gets home from work. Hmmmm..I wonder if I can get him to stop home at lunch. lol Just posted the dream on my blog so you can see what I’m talking about.
Found you on Pursuit on Mommyness.
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Just visited your blog! How cute! Yes jump your hubby as soon as he gets home because once your little one arrives it may get a little tougher. Have fun!
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Stopping by from Sits. I agree with you…It should be a priorty. It keeps everyone happy. Sometimes it helps you to get through the day.
Glad that you shouted it out for all to hear. 100%
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Thanks for the advice! I am getting married in March, so a true-newbie, this advice is some I will hold on to! Thanks!I’ll be back!
Found you via SITS!
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DH & I have been “Scheduling” sex ever since we first started trying to conceive almost 3 years ago. Since then, we’ve gone through the requisite highs and lows of my pregnancy, the early days of our daughter’s life, and the rush of my return to work. We actually challenged ourselves to a month of sex– every day– but fell woefully short. I keep thinking I should blog about that at some point!
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Oh you should blog about it!! That would be fun!
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“Happy b-day! It was my daugter’s bday this weekend as well and we also went to the Olive Garden. It is the best place for a birthday. Did they sing to you?”
Thanks so much!! Aww Happy Birthday to your daughter!
Yes, they sang to me at Olive Garden, I told my husband not to tell them, but he did anyways! haha.
Great post by the way!!
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This is a great post!! It’s true, it’s so easy for that time to just get shoved aside because there’s always one more thing to do and there’s never enough time to get things done and.. and.. the lists go on! Sometimes scheduling is necessary! And, the hubby is much more agreeable when you keep a regular schedule
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OMG!!! I can follow blogs again!!!!!! Following you mama!!!!
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Wow you just seriously made my night! Thanks girly!
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Wow – that is so true. And brave of you to write about it!!!! I would, but my FIL is my #1 fan and I would die
Everything is better when there is sex, plain and simple.
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I totally agree with you…why does it get pushed aside before everything else??
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I totally agree! I have kind of a not so secret, secret code with my hubby too…if I want it, then after we put the kids to bed I put on one of my cute little nighties versus my flannel pajama pants! He knows exactly what I want!
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I agree! Its hard to fit it in sometimes, but it really does keep us close. Thanks for writing this!!
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Found you via Friday Follow!
I love this article. It’s so true…sex with the husband really does improve the relationship. It makes a huge difference and does bring you closer. We can’t do the scheduled sex because of my husband’s jobs, but we manage to squeeze in quickies as often as possible…
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Thank you so much for sending me this link– you are right, you HAVE to schedule sex because when you factor in kids, jobs, chores, a (haha!) social life, when is there time to do anything but sleep?
~Elizabeth
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