This was a question that I was asked by one of my friends recently. Before I give you my answer let me just talk a bit about my girlfriend and what she is going through. Maybe some of you can relate. She is going through a divorce and is now being forced back into the single life again. She is sad that it had to come to this but really her husband left her no choice because he is a total jerk in every sense of that word. He was emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive. And even though he was a lost cause she tried very hard to make it work. But it didn't. So she is now faced with her new reality. Single mom.
In no way is she ready to date again. But of course she doesn't want to be alone forever either. She says she is excited to get those first time butterflies again.
Then she asks me "Don't you ever get sad that you will never have sex with another man again? Don't you miss the butterflies?"
Ummmm....
I was not sure how to respond to that question because I knew the answer but I did not want to make her feel bad.
But as always I had to be honest so I said "No I don't feel sad because my hubby is great in bed and we still get excited to be together". And we do!
And lets be honest most dudes have no idea what they are doing in the sack. So I have no desire to press my luck with some new guy who may or may not know how to please a lady. Who has time for that? Not me!
So I am not sad my hubby is my last. Actually I consider myself one lucky lady!
What I find sad is so many of my friends are calling it quits in their marriages. Some of the breakups are coming as no surprise but some I am shocked. I guess the stress of life just took its toll.
Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Raising kids is hard.
But...
Life, marriage, and raising your kids can beautiful as well. But it takes work.
Sometimes you will laugh.
Sometimes you will cry.
Sometimes you will think what happened to my life.
Then you will think I wouldn't want it any other way.
In my opinion true love starts once the butterflies wear off.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I am LOVING your blog! Would you like to link up buttons? I will post yours, you can post mine- and we can start networking. I love your honesty and openness! Can’t wait to see what else you have in store!
I cannot imagine having to train new guy. I’m perfectly happy with the one I spent 25 years working on.
You just gave me goosebumps. It’s refreshing to know we all go through our ups and downs with marriage–but at the same time love each other like crazy.
And give your friend a big hug for me.
xoxo
Well said!!! I think marriage goes through so many different phases – and physical attraction often times wears off…. But I think, marriage is about partnership, to be his/her’s best friend and support each other through all kinds of ups and downs. I’m going through it and it’s all worth it!
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and leaving me such a kind comment. Please stay in touch:)
xo
I feel exactly the same way. Hubby and I have perfected everything…it’s just like instinct. I have no desire for anyone else. But yeah, I know so many friends getting a divorce. It’s really sad.
Never heard it said like that……beautiful…..that true love starts once the butterflies wear off. Thank you!
I’ve only been married two years and I remember all to well how awful the dating scene was. I feel terrible for your friend. When she’sready to date maybe she should try e-harmony or someithng. I actually know two people that met on that site and are happily married.
I couldn’t agree with you more, but I’ve actually just started to figure out that marriage is a journey and that you have to accept it and work at it to keep things exciting.
I have been married for six years, and I think I spent the first five and a half fighting my marriage. I constantly questioned whether I had made the right choice in marrying my husband and our relationship suffered because of it. I think that I was missing the butterflies, and thinking about the very fact that my “Oooo is he gonna call me?” days were over for good.
I feel like the hubby and I have turned a corner, and now I can’t even imagine being with anyone else. We got over a big hurdle, and now I remember why I married him, and things are fun again. To go back to your Sex post, making time for sex has done wonders for our relationship. It’s easy to spend time thinking about having sex with someone else when you aren’t having sex with your husband! Making time for sex with him has filled that void for me and brought back our intimacy.
Good GRIEF! I’m long winded today. I’ll shut up now.
I totally have a crush on your blog.
Well said. I heard an interview with some celebrity once… maybe Will Smith?… who said that when he and his wife got married they made an agreement that divorce was simply taken off the table. It wasn’t an option. Husband and I say that to each other a lot in jest when we fight but it’s true. When you take divorce off the table (barring situations like the one your friend is in the midst of), you HAVE to work hard. And marriage is hard work… forever.
Love the blog. Will add you to my list!
I have been married for 6 1/2 years and i love married life. Its hard work especially with kids sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry but this is what life all about.
I often think how did i get to this point and miss my life before marriage when i was as free as a bird but in reality if i could go back in time i wouldnt change a thing
I am so glad i found your blog because i LOVE, love, love your blog!
That was really great. I feel the same way, but I still do get butterflys!!!!
I have to send my sympathy to your friend. The breakup of a marriage is soooo hard…especially if you’re a mom. I have a dear friend who’s been “sitting on the fence” for years. Making that decision with its consequences is just too hard for her to do. Her husband, too, is emotionally abusive as a husband and a daddy. She can’t figure out how she’ll make it financially without him. Tough call.
I don’t miss the single life. My husband and daughters are true blessings. Your right about it being hard but there are so many rewards. I can’t imagine going through what your friend went through.
That’s an amazing post!
And, hell no I’m not sad! Being comfortable with someone in bed in NOT a bad thing! I don’t have to worry about sucking in my gut and shaving! And I can just concentrate on the intimacy
Sometimes I do long for those butterflies you used to get on a first date with someone you really like.