I know for many of us it seems like high school was many moons ago. For some it was our glory days, some it may have been the worst time of our lives, some could be a little of both.
Yesterday I took my girls to an indoor playground. As they were playing I met a new mommy friend and we began talking. I always find that when I meet new people some of the first topics of conversation are "where do you live?" and "where did you graduate from high school?". Not sure why but that is typically what we begin talking about. So as we began the standard first getting to know you conversation I find out that she graduated with my cousin. Great something in common that we can continue to talk about while we sit watching the kids.
So of course I ask her if she new him and she said "Oh yeah he was such a nice guy".
And I said "he still is" and then I proceeded to tell her what he has been up to the last 15 years since they graduated.
Conversation was going great.
Then I mentioned how he got back together with his high school girlfriend Lisa and they are now living together.
Well at that moment her face just dropped. I could tell she did not think highly of Lisa.
Then my new mommy friend says "I am sorry but I have to be honest I do not have very good memories of Lisa. She was not a nice person. Actually she was very stuck up"
Crickets. But I am thinking in my head this is like the third person I have heard say this about her.
But she continues "But it has been 15 years so I am sure she has changed. Hopefully she has brought her nose down a bit"
Crickets.
Then I say "I did not know her in high school. She is much younger than me. I only know her to be nice but she is dating my cousin so I am sure I would not see that side of her"
Well after that we just changed the subject.
On the ride home, as the kids were passed out in the back, I started to think about how new mommy friend remembered my cousin's girlfriend from high school. I thought how awful to be remembered in such a negative light by some people. Of course everyone in her inner circle thinks she is so sweet. But clearly she did not treat others the same way she treated people within her circle. And even 15 years later it is what this person thought about immediately when I mentioned her name. And like I said I have heard this from other people as well.
Those negative experiences stay with people forever. People may forgive and move on with their lives but more than likely they will never forget. I am sure we can all recall a negative moment inflicted by another that stays etched in our brain.
Then I started to think about how I might be remembered from high school? What impression did on leave on the people I spent four years of my life with. And I am not talking about my best friend or people that I hung out with all the time. But my peers that I maybe shared an English class with me. Or I was partners in gym class. Or that I sat next to in homeroom because our last names started with the same letter.
How did I treat people? Did I treat people the same way I would want others to treat my girls when they get to high school?
I think so. At least I hope so. As I think back to almost 20 years ago I can say confidently that I was not a mean girl. I was not a bully. Was I perfect, of course not. But I can say I never purposefully hurt someone physically, emotionally, or psychologically. And if someone were to think differently then I apologize because I would never want to be the source of someones ill memories from high school or any other era in their life.
Some may say why care what people think of you. And I don't think it is about caring what other people think . I think it is caring about how you treat people past, present, and into the future. And if you go through life treating people however you want without giving a shit about their feeling guess what that makes you a bully. Whether you are 15 or 35.
So what are your thoughts? How would you be remember from high school? How would you feel if you found out that you were remembered as a mean girl/bully back that? Do think it is important for people to recognize and reflect on how they treated people? What else? Share your stories.
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Hmm I don’t know how people remember me. I think I don’t want to find out.
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Honestly…in junior high I often ate lunch in the bathroom b/c the kids made fun of me for wearing a Long John Silver T Shirt and bedazzled jeans, it was back during the bad recession of the 90′s and my parents were hurting. When I got to high school, ppl still viewed me as “weird” so I made friends with girls a year younger…we are still friends to this day, the only time the popular kids acknowledged my existence was when I was a feature writer for our newspaper and they wanted their stories to make it in the paper…but I would have to say my own class would probably be like “Kelly who?”
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:08 am
@POM honestly kids are just plain mean! And it is sad the only time people are nice is when they want something. Too bad that doesn’t really change at all as people grow up. Thanks for sharing!
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I hope I am remembered as kind, I always tried to be. Interesting to ponder. I am so freaked out about my kids going to high school, it seems to be so fraught with angst for so many people.
Found you through FF-your newest follower
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:07 am
@kirsty I am right with you which is why I was inspired to even write this post. Sending my kids to high school is a scarey thought for me. There are lots of mean people in high school. And when I think back to all the bullies and mean girls in my high school I am like oh crap those people most likely had kids and what are they going to be like? Especially with technology it is just frightening.
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Very nice blog. Stopped by from Friday Follow – and I’m so glad I found you! Now following so I don’t miss anything! You can follow me at
http://www.everydayphilanthropistblog.com
Nicole
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:05 am
@nicole thanks for joining my blog. We try to have lots of fun and good conversation here. Looking forward to having you here.
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I’m 42 (!) and as this year is my 25th high school reunion, I’ve thought about this myself more than once lately. People would probably remember me as a book nerd, which I guess I’m okay with. Thanks to Facebook, I’ve reconnected with fellow grads and recently “overheard” one of them ask a mutual friend, “Is that ____, from high school?” I guess I’m happy that he was pleaasantly surprised.
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:04 am
@withheld my 20 year is coming up…yikes! I did not go to my 10 year and not sure if I would go to my 20 year. FB has allowed me to reconnect with a lot of HS friends. Have fun!
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This is a great post. Almost my enitre graduating class is online and we are all FB friends. Yes we had a small class of about 130. Recently we had a blast uploading old pics and tagging each other. It was only then did i realize the impression I left on people from those days. Comments were made and i was shocked. I had no idea I was such an inspiration to others. I just went on about my merry way doing my own thing and having fun smilng all day. Little did i know a few smiles i flashed really touched peoples hearts. Who would have thought? I know i would not have ever known had it not been for our FB picture fest.
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:02 am
@pink haired momma that is so awesome! I loved people like you in high school. It was a breathe of fresh air from all the high school crap that seemed to dominate at times. I bet you did bring joy to many people. Thanks for stopping by!
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Well, for sure they’ll remember me as someone they don’t wanna see! I only have few trusted friends in high school and I lost contact after college. I really dont care if they remember me as the loser kid who used to cry everyday, it doesn’t matter–I can slap them with my payslip and show ‘em the kid they’re making fun of is earning twice or three times than they do!
Both grade school and high school are bad memories for me. I never attended a single reunion
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 8:01 am
@anne yes I think doing well in life is sometimes the best revenge.
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My graduating class was about 42 people so you know there was tons of drama! Most of my friends were not in my school so, except for a few people, I didn’t really interact with those people.
All I can say is that some of them hurt me. I have forgiven but I will never forget.
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I know I was not a good child, but I hope I was a good friend. I don’t think I was mean to a lot of people. Sure there were some that I wasn’t nice to. I can’t remember once being mean to someone “just because.” I know I stuck up for those who wouldn’t stick up for themselves. I didn’t allow the “uncool” kids to be bullied by others. I didn’t let someone pick on the “fat” girl. I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now. My kids know I will take away every name brand thing they have, every video game, TV, Ipods, cell phones, if I ever hear them making fun of someone less fortunate.
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I was far from popular in H.S. Freshman year was great b/c I knew all the hot senior boys. They had been friends w/ my brothers.
But that was the highlight of H.S.
But if Facebook is any indication, I guess I wasn’t completely forgettable.
Pondering the 20 year reunion, but I won’t be able to show off how well I’ve bloomed if I prego!
Here from Pursuit of Mommyness. Hi ya!
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I don’t think anyone remembered me from high school. I tried to block out that very painful period of my life!!
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People would remember me and honest, friendly, kind, generous, funny and smart.
I haven’t changed a bit since HS other than the obvious (marriage/kids). I found you through “Friday Follow” and am now following you through Google Friend Connect. Come on over and visit us when you get a free moment. Happy Tuesday! <3
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What a great post. When I went back for my 20 year reunion – yes I’m old, hardly anyone knew me. My husband couldn’t believe it. I told him I was just nondescript back then. I came into my own after college.
Anyway, found your blog though TMC. Great read, can’t wait to rad more. Following you now. Have an amazing evening. Jamie
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It’s so funny how this works. I did a post recently about being stuck in high school because no matter what…to those you went to school with you will always be THAT 16 year old person. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. For some reason people always think of you that way. kind of wierd!
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Great Story with a great point. There are people that when I think of them I just get a bad taste in my mouth. It’s been OVER 20 years and I can’t imagine that they are the same. But we are so impressionable in high school and we remember all of the pain and sadness that we felt that was inflicted on us by others.
I met a mommy friend at the sandbox once who shared with me that SHE was one of the bullies in high school. She seemed nice enough now and she talked about how sad it made her feel to know that she had been terrible to other people so long ago. She would never have the opportunity to share with them just how much pain SHE her self was in and how much she had changed. As we ended our day, she picked up her little girl and we said our good-byes. And I told her that I hope she will be able to pass on her wisdom to her daughter when it was time for her to go to school.
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This Mama Works It! Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
That is a great story as well. I always wonder if one day the bully would grow a conscience. It seems when we have children we just start to see things so differently. Thanks for stopping by.
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